So, in some things, I would like to say I’m a patient person. Growing up with a younger brother, I feel like that helped me develop at least a relatively acceptable level of patience (and all the oldest children said amen!). But then there are some areas of my life where waiting is the hardest thing.
In recent years, I’ve been looking at making some changes in a couple different areas of my life and decided I would try a couple of different things, a couple of different doors, if we can go with this analogy. I cannot tell you how many different doors I’ve tried to walk through. But each time, I try a door, it has been fruitless. Sometimes, the door doesn’t even open when I try the knob. Other times, it opens, but before I can even walk through, I get pushed back and the door gets slammed in my face.
After trying so many different doors and having nothing happen, I’ll be honest, on a drive a couple of weeks ago, I lost it. I started getting so upset with God that I couldn’t even out it into words. I even let out a few screams of frustration. I was so mad that I had tried so many things and nothing had happened. I asked God, could He just stop letting me try all these doors and just finally tell me which door to walk through?!?! I was well aware that I was sounding like a petulant two year old, mad that my dad wouldn’t give me the toy I wanted. But at the time, I didn’t care.
After getting the frustration out, I was finally calming down. While yelling was extremely therapeutic, it did hit me that my yelling at the God of the entire universe really wasn’t great. So, I wouldn’t say I let it go, but I tried to remember who God is-the Creator of everything, including me-and who I am-His child, totally utterly and completely loved by Him.
Then, Sunday rolls around and the pastor preaches from Joshua 3 when the Israelites crossed the Jordan River into the Promised Land. The pastor focused on the fact that the Ark of the Covenant went first into the river and then the people walked through on dry land. But the people waited for God to move first. He then reminded us of how when the Israelites were led by Moses, God would appear in a cloud during the day and a pillar of fire by night to guide them. When they would move, the Israelites moved, but when they stopped, the Israelites stopped. It was then in the service, that I felt God speaking telling me a word: wait. So, I went home and delved into it a little more and had a good conversation with God, with a lot less yelling this time.
Yes, God was telling me to wait, to wait for Him to move and then I would follow Him. I had been trying all these doors, using all my strength to push them open, to no avail. I needed God to move first, to open the door, and then I would follow Him through, which meant that I needed to wait on Him.
Like I said at the beginning of this post, there are some areas in life where waiting is the hardest thing, and waiting for God to move before I make a change is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to fight the urge to move. But then I remember my conversation with God and what He has commanded me to do. The last thing I want to do is go against Him. So, I take a minute and think of how right here, right now, I am truly blessed. I focus on the good things I have going on right now. It’s a daily struggle and it is anything but easy some days, but shifting the focus from the things I want to the things I have is really helping.
I’m not sure what God is calling you to wait on, but maybe together we can focus not on the thing we’re waiting for, but the things that God has already given to us.